Perhaps, you are tired of waiting for a loving relationship to happen in your life.
“I am getting on in age and not in a serious relationship,” Zoe, my friend, told me in despair. “I have so much love to give, to the right person.” She poured out her heart, and I could tell she was wondering if God remembered that area of her life.
Can she trust God to provide?
I know quite a few wonderful single Christian women who are in this same position. Like Zoe, for one reason or another, they seemingly prosper in other areas of their lives but are challenged in the area of finding a husband. There are hard days and stark realities to contend with as they navigate the corridors of their dating lives or the lack thereof. Some lose the battle and settle into what appears good but soon realize that this cannot in any way, shape or form, be God’s best. Yet, others wait, trusting that those who wait upon the Lord will never be ashamed.
I know. I have been there.
I wanted to fall in love.
I desired the joys of being in love; the rush, the tingle, the breathlessness, the friendship and the anticipation of genuine affection and adoration. But finding love was challenging, even daunting at times. I have had crushes but love … love eluded me.
I had been in love or so I thought; lost love and was still hoping to find love. I had days of fasting and praying for a husband. But then, I also had days of crying and feeling sorry for myself. I tried not to band with those who believed that there were no good men left in the world. How could I? My husband was out there.
So, I waited with bated breath to know the delights of having that special someone in my life. Secretly, I asked God to send me someone special. So, I waited and waited…
No one likes to wait.
It is hard to wait. It brings out the worst in some of us. We become burden, heavy laden, and fearful that God will not do as He promised.
Nevertheless, waiting is biblical. Nothing tries our faith like waiting on God for answers to prayers. Waiting is not a resignation from all activities. Waiting shows that we are under God’s authority and that we actively believe that God will work out our situations for good as we go about our daily lives.
Waiting becomes even more difficult when singles put a date and time on when they would like to be married. We were basically grown up to think that we should get married in our twenties therefore as thirty approaches, we get in a panic, and heavens help us if we see forty in the short distance.
In my humble opinion, this is a waste of emotion in the grand scheme of things.
The desire to have a mate was placed on your heart by God. Everything in your life is unfolding according to divine order. Walk in full alignment with your purpose and live your life to the fullest.
As children of God, we must trust God with every aspect of our lives. If you desire to be married, plan to enter your relationship emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually healthy.
Here are a few things to consider:
1. God’s timing is perfect
Be of the mindset that if you are to get married then it will be in God’s perfect timing. When the season is right, everything will fall in place. Be patient! I know that you have heard that a thousand times. Be patient! Wait, I say on the Lord.
Now that I am married, I can see why marrying the wrong person can turn one’s life into a nightmare. “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord” Psalm 27:14 (KJV).
2. Being single is a privilege, a gift from God.
There is the constant underlying assumption that singleness is not healthy. Singleness is viewed as an indication that something is wrong. Many programs, literature and ministries offer help to singles to manage life while they wait for marriage. While this is all good, singleness is sometimes viewed as inferior to married life. The fundamental notion is that singleness is not quite normal and is certainly not to be desired.
While recognizing the sacredness of marriage, the Bible also reveals that singleness is an option for a Christian. Being single is a privilege, a gift from God. Paul, the Apostle, highlights the gift of singleness and the gift of marriage in 1 Corinthian 7: 7-8. He wrote, “I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.”
Even though it seems that virtually everyone gets married, some people may not be married for one reason or another. 1 Corinthians 7:32-33 indicates that an unmarried man cares for the things of the Lord and how He may please the Lord, while a married man cares about the things of the world and how he may please his wife. Singles have the freedom to serve God without having to think about a husband or wife.
Nevertheless, singles should be aware that they may be blessed with the gift of singleness for a while, then the gift of marriage in due season.
3. Use the time to love yourself
Have you noticed that everywhere you go you take yourself? You have yourself, forever. Appreciate yourself and all that comes with being you. Yes, the positives and the not so positive. You know that you deserve someone to treat you like the queen you are. Focus less on your age and singleness and spend more time developing yourself.
4. Let go of fear
This was NOT the suffering period before meeting someone. Turn off the ticking clock. Refuse to be daunted by fear, understand that God knows you by name and nature. Do not be obsessed with meeting your husband or let your desire for a husband hold you hostage. Above all, do not let your longing for a husband slay your living.
5. Feed on God’s word
While you are yet single, anchor your soul in the word of God and develop a strong sense of who you are in Christ. It is an opportune time to become the virtuous woman of God as described in Proverbs 31: 10 – 31. This virtuous woman understands that her price is far above rubies. This multi-talented, excellent woman is rare, trustworthy, discipline, compassionate, elegant, kind and God-fearing.
As you feed on the word of God, your spirit man will become indefatigable. The Holy Spirit will open up to you what is yours. This revelation knowledge will lead you into discoveries so that you will enjoy everyday life.
Singleness is a blessing not a burden. Your singleness is not a mountain to climb but a vital and enjoyable step in your journey. God is faithful. You can trust Him to provide for all the areas of your life. “Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;” Philippians 1:6 (NKJV).
I would love to hear your thoughts. Do you believe singleness is a blessing or a burden? What are some of the other burning issues that singles have to contend with?
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Ann Marie Bryan
CEO & Founder of Victorious By Design