Back in the day, after a heated discussion about relationships, a friend asked if I expected the heavens to open and drop my husband-to-be on my door step. She insisted that I was not trying hard enough to find a mate. She thought that my cool demeanor, choice dates and trusts in the Lord were basically amounting to faith without works. She was convinced that I should be visiting more social clubs and events to gain more opportunities to meet Mr. Right.
She was mistaken.
I was busy living my life to the fullest, walking in full alignment with God’s purpose for my life.
Let’s talk a bit about marriage
Marriage has far reaching implications for your life. It is a covenant relationship not to be entered lightly. I consulted the Lord in prayer and fasting and sought godly counsel, before I gave a resounding “yes” to my marriage proposal. Actually, celestial songs played in my head and butterflies danced in my heart… the greatest thrill of my life as I choked out a jubilant, “Yes, I will.”
So, here are a few things to consider before you commit:
1. Reviewed God’s word on marriage and your role in a marital relationship
God desires that the relationship between a husband and wife be a reflection of God and the church. Ephesians 5:20-33 is a great place to start. Marriage is not for the faint hearted or the selfish. The relationship between a husband and wife must be a reflection of God and the church. Jesus Christ gave His life for the church so marriage requires dying to self to bring forth oneness. This oneness is deep and beautiful. You can only achieve this oneness with the working of the Holy Spirit in your life. Understand that if God calls you to holy matrimony, He will equip you with the requisite skills.
2. Pray and fast
Marriage is a life changing decision and so it warrants spending time in prayer and fasting to get clear directions from the Lord. Pray for wisdom. It is extremely important that you have peace about your relationship. Ask God to teach you His definition of love and how to love.
As much as we use the phrase “fall in love.” All things considered, love is a decision with an emotional component. Love is not the adrenalin rush, the butterflies in the stomach, the fluttering heart and the senseless giggles. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NKJV) It is your pledge to prefer or put someone ahead of you and to operate in the best interest of that person.
3. Seek Godly counsel
Throughout my life, I have been blessed to have great examples of Godly women, beginning with my mother. I have also benefitted from having six older sisters and many other Godly women and men in my life. The scripture encourages older women to teach the younger women (Titus 2:4). Further “Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?” (Job 12:12).
Sometimes, you can get “caught up in love” and cannot see the reality of your situation. “Keep thy heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23 (NKJV) In preparation to be a Godly wife, surround yourselves with Godly men and women. Ask them questions and learn from them. Godly big sisters and brothers help you keep things in perspective.
4. Assess your potential mate
You are a beautiful garden, not everyone can have you.
Be sure to spend enough time assessing your potential mate. Make sure that you and your potential mate are on the same path.
I decided a long time ago that I would only enter a committed God centered relationship. I was rather pleased to hear my husband articulate the same thing, when we were dating. In fact, he was adamant about it. “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers…” (2 Cor. 6:14-15)
Now that I am married, I am so glad that I waited on the Lord. Wait, I say on the Lord.
God know what is best for us. He loves us and means us only good. “For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly”. (Ps 84: 11) Whether you are single or married, He is still God.
I would love to hear your thoughts? Please write your comments in the box below.
Ann Marie Bryan
CEO & Founder of Victorious By Design
Author of Unforgettable, My Love Has Come Along